| Saturday, April 14, 2007 |
| The Biggest Mistake Men Make in Relationships |
by: Helene Rothschild
"I don't understand," said Don. "My business is going well. I'm a good provider. I give my wife and the children everything they want. We live in a beautiful house and we drive expensive cars. Last winter I took the whole family on a trip to Mexico. I don't fool around with other women. I do play golf every Sunday with the guys. But a man needs some recreation. I don't understand why I seem to do so well at work, but when I come home I feel like a failure!
My wife, Sue, is always nagging me. She either has a headache or is too tired to be sexual. Sue spends outrageous amounts of money at her favorite sport, shopping. That woman finds more things to buy than I or she can ever get to use.
When I met Sue she was slim and attractive. She has put on at least twenty-five pounds and doesn't seem to take care of herself. Nor does she want to do anything for me. She won't iron my shirts anymore or get up early enough to make my breakfast. I'm lucky if I get a decent dinner once in a while. I'm sick and tired of not feeling good enough for her. No matter what I do, Sue is not happy.
My kids are disappointing too. They have so much more than I ever did. Do you think they're happy and grateful? No way. All they do is whine for more, watch television, or fight with each other. Their grades are nothing to rave about, and I know that they are bright. I talk to the other guys and they seem to have a similar scenario.
When Sue told me that she had called you, Helene, for an appointment I asked her why. She said that she was depressed. I asked Sue to talk to me about her problems but she wouldn't. She told me that I'm not hearing her. I think I do hear Sue. I hear her nag, nag, nag. Now she has threatened to leave me if I don't come to therapy too. There is nothing wrong with me. I'm a very successful man. Many people respect and admire me. I want you to know that I'm here but I only came because Sue made me, and I resent it."
"Don," I replied, "thank you for coming in and sharing all your frustrations. If it is any consolation, I want you to know that I have heard these same complaints hundreds of times before with the many couples I have counseled. You are unique, but your problem is not. You see, Don, you probably have been brought up like most men by your parents and society to believe that your role as a husband and as a father is to be the provider. From what you told me, you have learned your job well and are a success.
However, Don, a relationship requires much more than financial success. A relationship needs feelings expressed. It is interesting Don, that you never mentioned how much you love your wife and children."
"Of course, I love my family!" Don exclaimed. "They know that. I don't need to keep telling them."
"Don," I continued, "quite the contrary. They need to hear that you love them and they need to experience your caring by the things you say and do, and not just by what you give to them."
For example, Don, when was the last time you and Sue spent time talking or cuddling? Sue told me that you were romantic when you were dating but stopped after you were married. Keeping the romance alive is very important to most women. Send her flowers and cards, leave her loving notes, hug her when you come home, tell her you love her daily. Ask Sue how her day was, and listen to her. Don't try to solve her problems, just be supportive and let her know that her feelings are valid even if they are not logical.
Don, also be attentive to the children. Spend quality time with them, and be playful and loving. Let them know how much you care and appreciate them for who they are. Tell them to be their unique selves. Take the time to tuck them into bed and kiss them good-night.
You see, Don, you can't buy love. You have generously given them your money but what they want and need even more than that is you. What makes a difference in their lives is the quality of love they feel from you. That takes your time, your attention, and your willingness to express your feelings."
Don looked perplexed. He didn't realize that he was making the biggest mistake men make in relationships. He didn't realize that he wasn't giving himself. From Don's left brain (logical) perspective, he was doing everything right. It's true that he wasn't doing anything wrong. It was just that Don was missing a big piece of the puzzle.
To help Don really understand what I was expressing to him, I asked him to close his eyes and to imagine that his parents and he and Sue were standing in front of him. Don noticed the similarities in the two relationships, and the same problems. He realized that he had learned from his father how to be a husband, who had learned from his father and down through the generations. Unfortunately, Don had no feeling male models. Even his grandfather was always busy making a living, and rarely spent time with the family.
In the process, Don realized how much he missed feeling his grandfather's and father's love when he was growing up, and how much he needed it. Don also noticed that he never saw his father being affectionate and loving to his mother. He had no role model of how to express love to his wife and children.
Don continued to work with me and succeeded in healing his inner child and learning more loving ways to be and to communicate with his family. Sue also did the same. Don and Sue are now in a loving relationship with each other and the children. They were amazed how well the children responded to the expression of caring to each other and to them. The children started to do better in school and there were a lot less fights. In fact, Sue and Don pride themselves as a happy loving family.
About The Author
Helene Rothschild, MS, MA, MFT, is a Marriage, Family Therapist, intuitive counselor, and author. Her new book, All You Need Is HART! Create Love, Joy, and Abundance-Now!" is a unique guide to Holistic And Rapid Transformation. She offers phone sessions, teleclasses, a self-help on-line program, inspirational books, e-books, MP3 audios, tapes, cards, posters, independent studies, and a free newsletter. http://www.lovetopeace.com , 1-888-639-6390.Labels: biggest men mistake, relationship |
posted by Norhayati @ 1:57 AM  |
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| 10 Ways To Add Happiness To A Couple Relationship |
by: David Richards
Relationships, especially couple relationships, can be trying at times, but it's not hard to be a happy couple. Below are 10 simple, everyday ways to keep things fresh and good.
1. Make eye contact with each other. Eye contact should be made especially
a. when you are discussing something serious and
b. when you say those three little words. Come on, you know what I'm talking about!
2. Never forget to put your beloved first. Be ready to drop everything for him or her at any time. Remind yourself time after time how blessed you are.
3. Make sure you tell them how important they are to you. This is simple yet an easy thing to forget.
4. Don't take anything for granted. Remember, you two are soul mates, and you don't find soul mates every day because it is not easy to find. There is a good reason you two are together, so don't forget how special that is.
5. Keep up the physical contact with each other. When you come home from a long day at work, remember to give your partner a big hug. You don't even have to say anything at all. Physical contact helps us to remind how we feel about each other, without having to use words to express it.
6. When you have a tough and stressful day, leave the day's stresses behind. Cool down; time spent with your partner should be relaxing. It should be the best time of the day; the time you look forward to.
7. Find out what are your dreams as well as your partner's dreams. Share these with each other. This will help to draw you together. You should always be honest about what you want out of life and your relationship. If you don't say it, how can he or she know?
8. Give each other gifts for no reason. You would be amazed what a boost this gives to a relationship between man and woman. When they ask you what it is, just tell them that you thought of them when you saw the thing you purchased.
9. Always be supportive to your partner. Tell them clearly that whatever trials and troubles they have, you will be there by their side. Weathering the storm together will strengthen your love, make it stronger. Knowing that nothing will break you apart. also gives you confidence,
10. Listen men: Opening the door for her is always a good thing to do as well as compliment her new hairdo or clothes. Remember to keep the toilet seat down.
Somebody will that such things sound insignificant. If you are among them, you need to keep this list in your breast pocket and get to studying it!
About The Author
David Richards likes to give his readers Self development information and articles. You can read more at http://www.1st-self-improvement.net.Labels: for her, for him, happy relationship, tips to happy relationship |
| posted by Norhayati @ 1:55 AM |
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| 10 Things Never to Say to A Guy by Lucia D |
1. WHEN WILL I SEE YOU AGAIN? You'll see him when you see him. If he wants to see you again, he'll call. If not, next. You don't have time for anyone that doesn't have time for you.
2. WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL? There's only one answer to this question: Because he didn't want to!!! What you're really asking is, "Why didn't you want to call me?" Who knows!! There could be a lot of reasons, but you shouldn't be sitting around wondering why. You should be out dating lots of different guys and not worrying about ONE guy. Don't be so quick to put all your eggs into one basket, because if they break, it's a big mess!
3. WHERE WERE YOU? If he wanted you to know where he was, he'd tell you. What you're really asking is, "Where you with another female that you like better than me?" Your insecurity is showing, sweetie. If anything, he should be wondering where you were.
4. I LOVE YOU (FIRST). You're saying it in the hopes that he'll say it back, but what if he doesn't? You'll be devastated and probably feel foolish. Saying "I love you" is not going to speed things up if he's not ready to say it back. So just cool it, and let him be the first to say it when he's ready.
5. DID YOU SLEEP WITH HER? As long as he's not sleeping with her now, who cares? The past is gone. Don't torture yourself (and him) with these thoughts. In this case, ignorance really is bliss.
6. ARE YOU SEEING ANYONE ELSE? Mystery is to men what romance is to women. You've just indirectly told him that you want to be exclusive, you've handed over control of the relationship and you've killed the mystery. Who knew 5 words could be so powerful?
7. WHERE IS THIS GOING? Nowhere fast if that's your attitude. Guys want someone fun and easy to be with, not someone that's constantly worrying about the future. His actions or non-actions will tell you where it's going. If it's going somewhere, you'll know it. If it's not, you'll know it too.
8. WE NEED TO TALK. This is the equivalent of, "Go to the principal's office". Guys know it's not going to be a fun conversation, so they're already on the defense. If you need to discuss something, just casually bring it up when the both of you are relaxed. Don't try to talk to him when he's tired, stressed or trying to watch TV!
9. WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? What you're really asking is: Is something wrong? Are you mad at me? Are you thinking about our relationship? Are you thinking about me? Are you thinking about someone else? If he wants you to know what he's thinking, he'll tell you on his own. If he doesn't, he'll lie when you ask.
10. I DON'T TRUST YOU. What you're actually saying is, "You need to step up your game, because I can see you're up to something." If he is up to something, he'll just become even sneakier. Better to think smart and act dumb-it'll be easier to get the evidence you need to confirm your suspicions.
Copyright (c) 2007 Lucia D
Lucia is a dating/relationship expert, columnist, author of "Lucia's Lessons of Love" and host of the TV Show "The Art of Love". With over 20 years experience on the relationship market, Lucia's practical know-how makes her the perfect candidate to dispense relationship advice – after all, in almost every dating dilemma she has been there, done that and lived to tell about it. For more information, go to: http://www.lessonsoflove.net
Article Source: http://articles.directorygold.com
Labels: 10 Things Never to Say to A Guy |
| posted by Norhayati @ 1:40 AM |
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| Men- Do Not Make These 4 Dangerous Dating Mistakes |
By: Scott Patterson
Dating can be tough on many guys!
This is especially true when it comes to attracting women. The problem is guys tend to make many mistakes that they're not even aware of.
For instance, I was recently at a bar where I noticed a guy talking to an attractive woman. What's interesting was this guy was giving off confident body language, while not being aware that she was not interested in him. In essence, he was clueless about his ability to "pick-up this chick".
You could easily tell from the bored look in her eye, that she was looking for an opportunity to get away from this loser.
What's funny was he was actually a decent looking, well dressed guy. So obviously his problem wasn't his presentation. Instead he was doing a few things which were instantly turning her off and killing ANY chance of attraction
If he knew about these mistakes, and corrected them, he could have easily attracted this woman.
Now if you want to NOT be like this man, then I recommend you take a close look at these 4 MAJOR dating mistakes:
Dating Mistake #1- Not reading her body language
You can discover what a woman is feeling by observing her body language. Without saying a word, a woman will tell you when she's attracted or when she's repulsed.
Your job is to study her body language and calibrate. For instance if you see a bored look in her eye, then you know that you have to switch tactics and change the topic of conversation.
Dating Mistake #2-Buying her affections with free drinks
One of the quickest ways to show lower status is to buy a woman a drink. Let me explain...
When you buy a woman many drinks, you're showing that you need to purchase her attention in order to start a conversation. While sometimes it's polite to buy a round, don't try to please her by constantly buying her drinks.
What's interesting is lots of other guys are great for making women drunk, but they're doing nothing to attract them. By buying drinks, they're simply making it easier for some other guy approach and pick them up.
Dating Mistake #3- Acting too arrogant
One of the principles I recommend in my ebook is to act in an overconfident manner. But even though this personality trait is important, you should realize that acting TOO arrogant is just as bad.
While women love men with a good amount of confidence, having too much is an instant turn off. This means if you're dominating the conversation and bragging about your accomplishments, you're demonstrating a specific type of behavior which infuriates women.
In order to impress a woman, all you need to do is display confidence through your actions and body language. If give off a confident aura, you don't have to open your mouth to prove it.
Dating Mistake #4-Being a clown
Well know that many women are attracted to guys "with a sense of humor". However it's a mistake to act like a clown and try to do funny things around women. While it's important to be funny, it's equally vital to never look like a fool.
Being funny does nothing for building attraction.
Instead of trying to make her laugh, try using a technique which is known as "cocky/funny". This personality trait means focusing on teasing a woman with a bit of mock arrogance. Basically you're a funny guy who likes to bust a woman's chops about various things.
By being able to identify all of four of these dating mistakes, you'll be able increase your overall success with women. So your job is to quickly identify these mistakes and make a concerted effort to eradicate them!
Article Source: http://articles.directorygold.com
Want to learn 50 different ways to meet, approach and attract women? If so, take a look at Scott Patterson's Free eBook which provides 50 tips for approaching, attracting, and dating ANY woman.
OTHER RELATED TOPICS :
Where To Take A Girl On A First DateLabels: dating mistakes |
| posted by Norhayati @ 1:29 AM |
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| The Secrets to a Successful First Date by J Simkhai |
Which would be more intimidating to you, taking someone out on a first date or giving a speech in a public environment? Ok. Obviously the answer is giving a public speech but you would be very surprised to learn how many people get nervous about a first date. I know a few people who choose not to date just because of having to go on that first one.
Dating isn’t as hard as some say. It’s definitely not what you see on TV where one person is a babbling idiot and the other is neurotic. Life isn’t like Sex and the City. Sorry. Dating is actually fun. Remember, the person you’re meeting on the other side of that door is will also be going on a first date too and probably is just as nervous as you.
Well, I’m here to help. I went through all of the dating expert articles in some of the leading magazines on the subject such as Cosmopolitan for the women and Maxim Magazine for the men and put together this list of first date tips. You don’t need to follow every single one to the dot but keep some of them in mind.
Make a Backup Plan – The weather can change unexpectedly, restaurants can close from electrical problems, or you can lose those Red Sox tickets. Make a backup plan just in case your date plans take an unexpected turn.
Plan a Short Date - No need to plan out the rest of your lives together. Start with a simple, one or two hour date. If things go well, you can always keep the date going. However, there's nothing worse than having planned on an all-day event after you realize five minutes into the date that you have nothing in common with the other person.
Be Punctual - There's no greater sign of disrespect than being late for your first date. Get directions to your location, arrive early, and show your date that you care about them and the plans you made together. Consider it like a job interview. If you work hard enough, you’ll be paid extra at the end of the date.
Agree on a Dress Code - When planning the date, talk about what you’ll be wearing. Nothing is more embarrassing if one person shows up in a suit while the other wears jeans and a sweatshirt.
Compliment, But Don't Over Do It - A few nice words makes everyone feel good, but persistent comments about the other person's looks, personality, body, etc., gets old and can seem desperate and sometimes creepy.
Drink Responsibly - A few drinks may take the pressure off the date, but don't act like you're reliving your old frat days. Drinking too much will likely bring out some bad sides to your personality and that WON’T help your chances of a second date.
Balance Talking and Listening - Pay attention to the amount of time you spend talking versus listening. If the scale is weighing in either direction, look to balance it out. Try not to dominate the conversation with stories about yourself, either.
Now that you got your date and you’ve planned out everything to the exact detail, you’re going to need somewhere fun to go. Here is a list of some of the things you can do together:
Play some mini golf
Visit a carnival or fair
Go disco bowling
Watch the sunrise or sunset together
Go to a comedy club
Visit a museum
Plan a picnic in the park
Go sightseeing in your own city
Attend a sporting event such as a baseball game
Rent canoes or a paddle boat and row around the nearest lake
Take a cooking or pottery class together
Go to the zoo
Play a board game such as Trivial Pursuit
Bake cookies together. Chocolate chip is a personal fave
Drive to a nearby town you have never visited before
Joel Simkhai has published numerous articles on a wide range of topics related to magazine journalism. He is currently the owner of Magsforless.com- a company that provides cheap magazines, and focuses on customer satisfaction. Visit them at http://www.magsforless.com.
Article Directory: http://www.articledashboard.comLabels: first date tips |
| posted by Norhayati @ 12:32 AM |
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